Transcript of this chapter:

narrator: A few days after the excitement of the previous adventure, a sense of calm and conventionality descends on the remote town of Spider Cliff.
rebecca: Good morning, Barlow. We haven't seen much of you recently.
crystal: Yeah, where HAVE you been? Have you really been in your room this whole time?
rebecca: If I know Barlow, he spent the entire time in bed.
barlow: Yep. Just me and Bertrand Russell.
crystal: Well, that proves my suspicions about you...
barlow: A book. I was reading a book. And after all that time without sleep, I deserved some time to recover, and to make some decisions about my future.
crystal: Barlow making decisions? THIS Barlow? Can the world handle such an extraordinary event?
barlow: I make lots of decisions!
crystal: Uh-huh. Name one.
barlow: For one thing, I decided that you can stay here. Demons aren't usually allowed to stay in Spider Cliff. Only the official demon-hunter can make that decision.
crystal: So... why exactly did our noble demon-hunter allow me to stay? Huh?
barlow: Well...
crystal: Go on...
barlow: You're obviously harmless. Why bother, really? I'm completely ambivalent as to whether you stay or not.
crystal: So once again, Barlow's decision boils down to whatever is most convenient.
barlow: I'm not going to be stuck here forever. This holdover in town is only temporary.
crystal: So you still plan to go to college?
barlow: You bet. If it wasn't for the bridge being out, I'd be at the University of Sprawling-Mossville right now, working on my philosophy degree.
crystal: I went to that school, Barlow. It's big.
barlow: Yeah.
crystal: I don't think you can handle big.
barlow: What do you mean by that?!
crystal: At a place that big, you can't just jump right into everything. You have to set limits for yourself. No one there really cares whether you live or die, so you have to make your own decisions about everything.
barlow: Here we go about decisions again!
rebecca: Barlow, you should listen to Crystal. She's lived through that.
barlow: I do whatever is most practical!
crystal: "Practical" is not a word that one would usually associate with you. What do you do here, except kill the occasional zombie? Do you even get paid for that?
rebecca: The demon-hunter position is unpaid.
crystal: You've got to do something for money!
barlow: I do.
rebecca: Barlow makes block-print landscapes for postcards, for the local tourism bureau.
barlow: I'm pretty good at it.
rebecca: He's getting better.
crystal: I guess even a demon-hunter needs a day job.
barlow: I don't even care about being a demon-hunter!
rebecca: Nevertheless, it's your role here, as long as you remain in Spider Cliff.
barlow: Oh, come on, Rebecca... you know that's not what I want to do with my life. Someday, I'm going to leave for university and I'm going to do something important with my life. I'm going to be a philosopher.
crystal: How do we even respond to that?
barlow: I'm just saying that my allegiance to my job and this place has its limits.
rebecca: But when you leave, there won't be a demon-hunter here to protect us...
rebecca: ....and, oh how do I say this nicely?...
crystal: I'll say it... What do you do about me?
barlow: When I leave, you leave.
rebecca: Don't you think she can stay? Crystal fits in here just fine.
barlow: Hey, rules is rules. I won't stick my neck out for her, and I greatly doubt she would for me.
crystal: You're darn right about that!
barlow: You are leaving when I leave, because your demon nature attracts evil things to us.
barlow: I suppose since you're so harmless, I won't be needed.
crystal: Harmless?! My eyes could turn you to stone in an instant!
barlow: So what's keeping you?
crystal: Honor... and decency... and the fact that I don't care about you one way or another.
barlow: That's as it should be. I wouldn't stick my neck out for you, either.
rebecca: Barlow, may I remind you that Crystal's demon nature acts as magnet for evil things nearby.
barlow: Yeah, that's what caused that hassle with the zombies.
rebecca: Oh, yeah, we've got that problem with zombies coming up from the marsh. How's that been going, Barlow?
barlow: We've got a system in place. Turnip and Alex and I rigged up a series of barricades and sluices that funnel the zombies into a holding area.
rebecca: So you're sure you're catching all of them?
barlow: Oh, yes. They're really really stupid. Well, considering who's attracting them...
crystal: Is someone asking for trouble?!
barlow: One order of trouble, please.
crystal: You think you're so funny...
barlow: I know I'm so funny.
barlow: What's the worst you could do?
crystal: You forget who holds the coffee pot, and who has the power to withhold the coffee.
barlow: I'm not phased.
crystal: ....and the espresso...
barlow: ....es... You have?...
rebecca: I got that espresso machine a while back. It's just been sitting in the basement because I didn't know how to set it up.
crystal: But I knew... and now I can make espresso so thick, you could float a spoon on it.
barlow: Must... have... espresso...
crystal: And speaking of zombies...