Transcript of this chapter:

barlow: This lack of sleep is really starting to catch up to me.
barlow: I... I can't feel my feet anymore. Maybe I should take a quick nap somewhere... yeah, I gotta find a place where no one will find me.
barlow: That's it... if I don't find Crystal in the next five seconds, I'm going to get some rest.
barlow: Oh, Crystal. I've been looking all over for... uh...
barlow: Whoa, you're not Crystal. You're not Crystal at all.
judge: Barlow Bean! Now is the time... the time to undo what hasn't been done!
barlow: I... I get it. I'm hallucinating from lack of sleep.
judge: Undo what hasn't been done!
barlow: You mean about the mayor's urn?
judge: No! I'm talking about what you haven't done! So many things that don't exist!
barlow: Oh. I was kind of hoping this was going to make sense.
barlow: I don't think you're really not real.
judge: I... um, I'm not...
judge: What you just said is more confusing than anything I was going to say.
barlow: So you are real.
judge: I'm a real phantom of your imagination. I'm real only in your mind at this precise time. That I'm standing here in reality is dependant on your mental state.
barlow: This is getting way too confusing.
judge: If your eyes betray you, pluck them out! If your arm betrays you, cut it off! If your passion betrays you...
barlow: Okay, I get the picture.
barlow: How do I undo something that hasn't been done?
judge: You can't undo it, so it will be undone for all time.
barlow: But I haven't done anything yet!
judge: Haven't you?
barlow: I know what this is about. Look at you... Crystal's body with the judge's head. Obviously, I'm supposed to come to a decision about her, like about letting her stay in town.
judge: Very good. And do you know why you must undo your indecision?
barlow: Um... no. Wait, I didn't quite catch that.
judge: If you fall in love with her, eventually you will need to kill her.
barlow: I don't get this! Why does everyone think I'm falling in love with her?! That hasn't even crossed my mind!
judge: No? And I'm not part of your subconscious?
barlow: Okay, if you're part of my subconscious, I want to ask you something.
judge: You may ask me one question.
barlow: So I'm in love with Crystal?
judge: Only you can answer that.
barlow: But... I can't. I'm not, I don't think.
judge: Then only you CANNOT answer it.
barlow: Oh, you're hurting my brain! It's way past my bedtime!
barlow: Who took the mayor's urn?
judge: I cannot answer that question, but I CAN tell you the key to solving the crime.
barlow: I'm listening.
judge: The key to solving the crime is... procrastination.
barlow: Oh, I'm good at that.
judge: The longer you wait, the better your chances.
barlow: Am I ever going to leave Spider Cliff?
judge: As long as you remain so self-centered, you will never journey farther than your own skin.
barlow: Oh, how deep... and at the same time completely meaningless!
barlow: Only one question?
judge: Yes. That counts as your question.
barlow: Shoot! I wasn't ready!
judge: Obviously you were, or you wouldn't have asked your question.
barlow: But I could've asked for something useful, like how to find the mayor.
judge: You will find the mayor by doing what you do best... procrastinating.
barlow: Can I have one more question? Please?
judge: No. There is no need. The judgment has been passed, and I've already said everything that needed to be said.
barlow: You didn't say anything useful!
barlow: The mayor's urn is somewhere in this town, and I've got to find it! I'd like to know exactly WHERE it is!
barlow: I think I'm more confused now than I was before you appeared. And how can I kill the demon if I don't love her yet?
crystal: Love me yet?
barlow: That's just what the judge said. She was here just now. She had your body.
crystal: Ookaaay...
barlow: I don't love you!
crystal: Okay. We're going to start this conversation over. And this time, let's make it a little less crazy.
barlow: I mean, I wouldn't love having to kill you. Uh... yeah!
crystal: No, I heard what you said.
barlow: I wasn't talking to you.
crystal: I'm the only one here.
barlow: I was talking to the judge.
crystal: The judge. Barlow, the judge is a fortune-telling machine.
barlow: Yeah, I know.
crystal: Okay, we're going to start this conversation over.
barlow: Apparently, I love you. At least that's what the judge just told me. She had your body. She said only I can't know if I'm in love with you.
crystal: Okay... I'd really like to talk to the Barlow that makes sense. Is he available?
barlow: He's available, and very very embarrassed.
crystal: I'd like to start this conversation over with THAT Barlow.