Transcript of this chapter:

barlow: Hmmm... What is he doing now? He stopped in front of that old building.
crystal: Hey, Barlow?...
barlow: Huh?
crystal: Barlow, can I ask you a question? I was thinking about this situation with Annabelle... and how she claims to be in love with Alex.
crystal: I thought it was true, but now I'm not really sure what I believe. I know you're probably not the one to ask about this, but maybe you see something that I don't.
crystal: What do you think?... Does Annabelle really love Alex?
barlow: Do you think it's realistic for a zombie to feel love?
barlow: Now I don't know WHAT she feels, or if she feels anything but a hunger for brains, but I don't think that dead girls are really going to care much about human things like love.
crystal: So I'll put you down for a "no".
barlow: It's the rational conclusion.
barlow: Hey! Where'd he go?
barlow: Aw, you made me lose him! He could be anywhere by now.
barlow: It doesn't matter, they're totally wrong for each other!
crystal: You're just saying that because you're-
barlow: No! I'm saying it because humans and zombies shouldn't be hooking up together. Plus, it's a fetish that Alex doesn't have.
barlow: I know you want to get them together. I just want you to know that I flat-out refuse to participate in any of your plans.
barlow: Oh, now look what you've done! You distracted me, and now the prime suspect has disappeared!
barlow: Stop distracting me... I'm trying to solve this case.
barlow: It's important that I keep my attention on Turnip. He might try to slip away into some...
barlow: Aw, now I've lost him! This is all your fault.
crystal: So you're still convinced that it's Turnip?
barlow: He's been acting in a suspicious manner.
crystal: And you're sure that his behavior is related to the case?
barlow: The key to this mystery is Hatchetpaws...
crystal: Hatchetpaws... yeah... because there's SO many links between Hatchetpaws and Turnip...
barlow: I think Hatchetpaws caused the Gondola Disaster, and now I think he's back. He was known to have consorted with demons, so there's a possibility that...
crystal: Barlow, consorting means to keep company with...
barlow: Right. Hatchetpaws consorted with demons, making him a good suspect.
crystal: Barlow... I'm a demon, and you're consorting with me.
barlow: That's not the point!
crystal: And I'm not sure about this demon angle. I haven't noticed any difference in demonic activity around here, and I would definitely notice something like that.
barlow: Can you detect anything out of place?
crystal: No, no... wait... there's a strange smell... I can't place it...
crystal: It smells like... it smells like... zombie tears.
annabelle: Oh, Crystal! It was terrible!
annabelle: It didn't work! I gave it to him... and he ate it... and NOTHING HAPPENED!
crystal: Nothing at all? Hmmm....
barlow: What's going on?
crystal: Girl stuff. It doesn't concern you.
annabelle: He hates me! Alex hates me... so much that even love potion don't work!
barlow: Love potion?!
crystal: Uh... yeah...
barlow: I'm using "observation". It's a method for solving crimes.
crystal: Oh, is that what it's called? Where I come from it's called "finding a scapegoat".
barlow: Oh, so funny. What's the problem with following up a lead, especially if all the facts fit into my theory?
crystal: And you expect to keep following Turnip until be makes a mistake? You don't think he'll get suspicious?
barlow: I just know that Turnip's guilty!
crystal: Ah, it's like that, is it?
barlow: Yeah!
crystal: Hmmm... That doesn't sound like the Barlow I know. This is a different Barlow... a more desperate Barlow.
barlow: Shut up! I WILL solve this, and then you'll see!
crystal: Yeah, yeah. You better have a good theory to back this up.
barlow: I'll follow him all night if I have to.
crystal: You think that'll be necessary?
barlow: Sure. If he leaves or reacts to another message, I want to know about it.
crystal: Well... I don't know if you need to work so hard. It just occurred to me that all the messages were written during the daytime.
crystal: That new one IS a real message, isn't it?
barlow: Yeah...
crystal: But you were with Turnip when it happened, right? How does that fit into your theory?
barlow: You really think she could pull this off? Love potions aren't exactly easy to make, one would assume.
crystal: I have no doubt hat she could make it... I just wonder why it didn't work on Alex. Very suspicious...
crystal: Hmmm... Suppose if Alex was ALREADY in love with Annabelle.
barlow: Ha!
annabelle: But he would at least show some response! I used the entire potion in that pastry... that's way more than the recipe said to use!
barlow: I guess he just hates you.
annabelle: I'm going to crawl under a rock and decompose!
crystal: Barlow! How could you say something like that?! You obviously don't know anything about love!
barlow: Ha! I would know more about love if there were any worthy females around here.
crystal: Say that again...
barlow: This is totally inappropriate! You shouldn't use witchcraft to manipulate people like that!
crystal: Yeah, whatever. We knew what we were doing.
barlow: But that's just wrong.
crystal: We did what we had to do. It's not like it matters, though... Apparently Alex wasn't affected by it, so no big deal, really.
annabelle: But it is a big deal! It means that Alex REALLY hates me! And there's nothing that I can do about it!
annabelle: I'm going to crawl under a rock and decompose!
crystal: The poor thing...
barlow: You think? I think this just distracts us from our case. We don't need to be worrying about love and hurt feelings right now.
crystal: Barlow, someday you will fall in love, and then you'll see what all this distraction is about.
barlow: You knew about this?! You helped her do this?!
crystal: Now, Barlow, don't take this out of proportion...
barlow: Oh, yeah?! You want to brainwash one of my friends and feed him to a zombie, who probably isn't even capable of loving him back?
annabelle: I AM capable of love!
barlow: You! If you REALLY love him, you would never do something like this! You can't force him to love you!
annabelle: Why did I ever think that it would work. I'm just... dead to him...
barlow: Any you, Miss Lonelyhearts! You know that Alex would sooner fall in love with a locust than with Annabelle!
barlow: You're worse than she is, you know... Trying to put two people together that can't possibly work out. What were you thinking?
crystal: I... uh...
barlow: Did you feel so desperate that you had to project your repression on them?
crystal: Oh, so it's all about me, is it? You seem awfully intent on keeping Alex and Annabelle apart.
barlow: This has nothing to do with either of us!
crystal: Exactly!
barlow: Right! End of argument.
crystal: No disagreement here.
barlow: I'm through with you conniving girls!
barlow: You, Annabelle! You have been a bad zombie! Go straight to your room until I say otherwise.
annabelle: Okay...
barlow: And YOU, demon... You organized this whole thing, didn't you?
crystal: I was just trying to make things balance out...
barlow: You know that Alex was trying to make an anti-love potion, right? It's the exact opposite of the potion you made.
crystal: Oh, and I bet the plan was to give it to Annabelle, right?
barlow: So he said, but actually I think he was going to take it himself.
crystal: Huh?
barlow: Don't be so stupid. I think Alex DOES love Annabelle, but he's too disgusted with himself to admit it publicly. Didn't you get the impression that he protests it a little too much?
barlow: And poor Annabelle, she's just a zombie. She might THINK that she feels love, but it's just an illusion, and Alex knows it. I think the whole situation is a lot harder on him than you know.
crystal: I... I never thought of it this way. Wow, I really messed this up, didn't I?
barlow: Well, yes... but I guess you don't know anything about being in love and having to keep in hidden. And you thought I was clueless about love, didn't you?
crystal: Oh, I might know more than you think.