Transcript of this chapter:

barlow: Aha! So here, you are, Alex. I've been looking all over town for you.
alex: I'm just trying to gather up some more bumberberry. The stuff only grow on moldy furniture for some reason.
barlow: Alex, I really don't appreciate being sent out on a fool's errand and then having to comb the town trying to find you again. Of all the places to find you...
barlow: Er, exactly where are we? I don't really know this part of town.
alex: This used to be the old mill, the paper mammal mill. It was the economic powerhouse in its day.
alex: Now, tell me all about that demon in the woods. Did you kill it? Can we finally have proof that Barlow Bean can kill a demon?
barlow: There was no demon, you fool! Your stupid demon-detecting weathervane is useless!
alex: Oh... well, these things happen sometimes. It's all part of combating the dark powers...
barlow: Did you send me out there on purpose just to waste my time? There wasn't anything out there.
alex: Strange.... Uh, maybe I need to, uh, recalibrate the demon-detectors.
barlow: Or you just stay out of the way and leave the demon stuff to someone more qualified.
alex: And that would be you? No offense, Barlow, but you're probably the LEAST effective demon-hunter this town has ever seen.
barlow: False alarm. It was just a big rock.
alex: Are you sure it was just a rock?
barlow: Absolutely. I asked it, "Are you a rock?" and it replied, "Oh, most assuredly. I am definitely a rock."
alex: Rocks don't talk! That was a demon!
barlow: It didn't really talk, Alex. And yes, it really was just a rock. I shouldn't have even bothered to check on it. A total waste of time, in my opinion.
alex: As long as there's evil in town, I'm going to push you to do your job. Just because I'm not the demon-hunter doesn't mean that I can't give you a hand, you know?
barlow: Hmmm... And the fact that a zombie has a major crush on you isn't influencing your attitude?
alex: I can't deny it. It terrifies me to think that you've got so much evil living right in your own house!
barlow: And what should I do about it?
alex: Get rid of her for good, Barlow. You're the demon-hunter, so you have the power to do something about this.
barlow: But... she cleans for me. It's hard to turn down a free zombie servant.
alex: So you'd take a housekeeper over the needs of a friend?
barlow: Hmmm... Tough question...
barlow: She hasn't proven to be a danger.
alex: She might not be a danger to you, but she's a nuisance to me!
barlow: You know, you're right. Let's go kill her.
alex: Kill... you really mean it?
barlow: Sure, she's a zombie, so it's only right for me to make sure she comes to a violent end. Isn't that what you want?
alex: Well, uh... I don't want he chasing after me... but I'm not sure that killing would be the best answer...
barlow: Too late for second thoughts. I'm off to go kill her right now.
alex: WAIT! DON'T!
barlow: You don't want me to?
alex: Well... she's not THAT much of a trouble. Maybe there's something else we could do about this problem.
barlow: What if we found a way to make her change her feelings for you? Would you feel better if she wasn't trying to catch your attention all the time?
alex: Yeah, that would make me feel a little more comfortable with her around... just a little.
barlow: Okay, so we've got to find a way to make her give up on you... hmmm...
barlow: We could find you another love interest.
alex: Another? This is Spider Cliff... there's not a whole lot of choose from.
barlow: True. Crystal, out of the question. But what about Eliza? She's not too much older than we are. I bet she gets lonely down there in the marsh all the time.
alex: Eliza hates me! She's so stuck in her naive beliefs about science to see that there's a war going on around here, between the town and the forces of evil.
alex: Besides, I think she's too in love with her plants to have any normal relationship with a human.
barlow: We can make her fall for someone else.
alex: Who? You? You want to have a zombie following you wherever you go?
barlow: Well, she's dead. Maybe we can make her fall in love with another corpse.
alex: There's plenty of corpses in Spider Cliff, but none of them are animated. And I REALLY hope you're not suggesting that we animate a corpse.
barlow: You can make her wait until you die. I bet you won't complain about her, then.
alex: Barlow, I don't see how that's going to help me RIGHT NOW. I'm not going to die for a long, long time... hopefully. And what if she gets tired of waiting, and wants to "hurry things a along" and tries to kill me? I think she already has half a mind to eat my brains.
barlow: We can manufacture a girlfriend for you. I have an idea.
alex: How do we make a girlfriend? We're dealing with a zombie, but she's not stupid.
barlow: You could call it a long-distance relationship of sorts...
barlow: We both know there's wood nymphs out in the Smoggy Woods.
alex: We don't know that for a fact. It's just a story. We've spent every fogtide for the last ten years trying to catch a glimpse of a wood nymph, and I doubt we'll ever be successful.
barlow: Ah, but this time we have to succeed. All we need is a photograph of you with your arms around a cute wood nymph, and Annabelle will see that you're taken, and she'll stop pursuing you.
alex: That sounds fine, but we'll NEVER find a real wood nymph.
barlow: Maybe we'll get lucky this time.
alex: What makes you so sure we'll actually see a wood nymph this time?
barlow: I don't know... I just a have a feeling.
barlow: We can set a trap for one when we go into the woods tomorrow.
alex: Barlow, this plan is just foolish. There's no proof that there really ARE wood nymphs. Everything we know about the woods suggests that there's only evil creatures in there.
alex: Wait, did you say that we're going in there tomorrow? The fogtide is tomorrow?
barlow: Yep. Your mother confirmed it.
alex: There might be something better than wood nymphs in there...
alex: There's a plant that grows in the woods... the red-fanged mandrake. It's known to be a very rare ingredient for a love potion... but it can also be used to make the exact opposite. It could be used to make an anti-love potion.
alex: We could make a potion and if I feed it to Annabelle, she'll instantly stop liking me.
barlow: Yeah, an anti-love potion is just the thing!
barlow: Tomorrow morning, we start looking for your red-fanged mandrake. But I'm going to keep my eyes out for a wood nymph, like always.